Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Wait! What did she say???


Why has this post taken me so long to write?  I know I'm suppose to write in the moment on how I have been feeling but to be honest the last two months have been a one foot in front of the other, day by day, minute by minute.  BUT I have so much to tell you, so much to write about it's just completely overwhelming for me at times to even think about sitting in front of my key board typing this up, my feelings, my issues, my crap.  I honestly love writing but since my last blog, "Summer Blues" came out I have had this undying sense that I needed to figure out what the heck is going on internally with me and post after the journey is over.  However today is different, today I read something that REALLY resonated with me and hit me to my core.  It said something to the effect that if people come to you, like when reading your blog, if they feel a connection to you it is your responsibility to continue to enlighten them.  Some subjects can be difficult and others fun but no matter what, you started this and you need to continue with it even through all the ugliness.  Ok, well that made me jump right up and start typing!

For those of you who haven't read my last blog post, I was basically at a breaking point in my life.  A point where I felt like I couldn't deal with ONE. MORE. THING.  Like I had a pile of bricks on my back and if one little feather landed on the top of the pile, everything would be crumbling down on top of me and everyone around me.  Not a fun place to be by the way!  So as I stated in the last blog post, I had made an appointment with Dr Karen Sun at the Integrative Wellness Center doing  Bioidentical Hormone Therapy (BHT) hoping that there would be something that she could see in my blood work that was reflective on the way that I have been feeling.  

So yes, I made the appointment and went in for my first visit the last week in August.  Ok, so let me start by saying that her office is beautiful!  Walking in, I felt like I was in a spa, very gorgeous and tranquil feeling.  Being as nervous as I was it really helped to calm me down as I walked in.  Why was I nervous, you ask?  My fears of her looking over all of the extensive blood work and saying to me, I don't see anything wrong with you... was the biggest fear of all!  Was this all in my head?  Was I going to have to live like this for the rest of my life?  What if she can't help me! There were so many fears going through my thoughts, I wanted the results now and I couldn't wait another minute for them.

I was called back into a typical medical exam room, asked a few questions and then waited for Dr Sun to come in.  As I waited I took many deep breaths, shed a few tears and tried to pull myself out of this emotional madness that had become my norm for so long.  I didn't want Dr Sun to walk in and see me like this so I wiped my tears, grabbed my phone and flipped through social media to numb my feelings and suppress them down.  After waiting a while she walks in, introduces herself, sits down and asked me why I came in to see her.  I took a deep breath and then I unleashed all the bricks, the piles of my feelings and emotions, the lack of life that I'm living and the tears just came streaming down my face.  She looked at me with a kind of stoic face, looked through the pages of my blood work and started going through all of the different hormones.  As my brain is trying to retain all of this mumbo jumbo, all I can think to myself is that maybe there is nothing wrong, oh my God I hope this isn't all in my imagination! But she keeps going into more of the hormones and tells me that some of them are so low that she doesn't understand how I'm functioning.  She said, it's like running a 10k marathon everyday and having your entire family at the finish line wanting something from you and all you want to do is eat and sleep.  Say what???  Did she just confirm what I've been feeling?  Then she goes on to tell me that I'm peri menopausal.  Wait!  What did she say???  I think I was in shock because I'm so young.  How can a 43 (yes I said it) year old be peri menopausal?  How the hell does this happen?  What does this even mean?  Well what it means is that all of the feelings that I've been dealing with, the anger, the sadness, the tiredness and all the mixed emotions are because my hormones are not only depleted but I'm FRIGGEN PERI MENOPAUSAL??!!??  

Thinking to myself well, now what?  Dr Sun looks at me and lists out some options of BHT for me to take. Well of course I accept everything that she is offering to me because what do I have to lose?  I cannot live another day feeling like this!  I cannot go another day without doing whatever it takes to fix this and get back to where I once was! 

I've read and researched a lot about BHT so I knew going into this that a compounded pellet made by a compounding pharmacist would be inserted into my butt cheek, ouch (but not really)!  And even though my testosterone levels were actually at a normal level I got a testosterone pellet because other hormones that are completely depleted effect testosterone one way or the other.  I was also given vitamin D for a serious deficiency and other supplements to aid in my adrenal glands.  Your adrenal glands are so vital to your wellbeing and they actually play a huge role in the production of your hormones.  Mine were almost non existent.  Dr Sun pointed out that if she had not seen my age on my paperwork by just looking at my results on the blood work that has been taken, she would have thought that I was post menopausal.  To be quite honest, this news did not upset me because it answered so many questions, thoughts that I was going crazy and gave me a solution to my issues.  I actually felt that someone not only understood what I was going through but knew what I needed to do to get back to a normal life.

After checking out of her office with a multitude of supplements, prescriptions and a pellet in my cheek (I swear I didn't feel a thing) I wasn't looking for a miracle.  I was leaving there very optimistic yet knowing that this could take months before I started seeing severe changes.  I was totally fine with that because when you are at a breaking point you will do anything and if that means being patient then you will be patient.  

Two weeks later I started to notice that my energy level was going up and I could feel that my short fuse was starting to get longer and that was enough to get me excited.  However there were so many other areas that I knew needed drastic improvement but this is all about patience, right?

Dr Sun wanted me to do an at home test that collected saliva and urine throughout the day so about 2 weeks into my hormones I had to do these tests at home and send them off to a neuroscience lab for testing.  Not really understanding what this would tell me, I did it and sent my samples off to the lab.  I also had to go in for more blood work 3 weeks after my initial appointment with Dr Sun so she could see if anything had changed with my hormones.  I hate needles too!  I feel like I am pregnant right now getting poked and prodded on a monthly basis but like I said anything it takes!  

One week later from my follow up blood test I also had my one month check up with Dr Sun.  I couldn't wait to see if anything had changed.  I mean I was feeling a lot better, definitely not 100% but better for sure.  She walked in to my exam room, sat down and proceeded to tell me that some of my hormone levels had actually dropped which meant that I was definitely in full blown menopause!!!  So what she thought about me being peri menopausal was incorrect and I am neck deep into this transition in my life.  As shocking as it may be I honestly don't care.  What does Menopause mean anyway?  Well for me, it's just a name given for all of these symptoms that I've had and have been dealing with for a really long time.  So hello Menopause!!!  

The neuroscience tests were so interesting to me because they showed what times of the day I would be tired, had the most energy and most interesting were all the different neurotransmitters.  The neuroscience report was so eye opening for me though because everything that was reported told the story of CJ.  I could see the 12 neurotransmitters and where my levels were compared to the normal range.  I couldn't believe it when I saw that out of the 12 neurotransmitters only 3 of them were in the normal range, one was very low, 2 were elevated and the rest were at a very high range.  The great thing about this report was that it gave me the commonly associated symptoms that went along with all of them that were not in normal range.  Oxidative and immune stress, anxiousness, sleep difficulties, cardiovascular stress, urges, cravings, focus issues, low mood, intestinal complaints, discomfort, sleep difficulties, weight issues, fatigue, sensitivities, mind racing, and vascular issues are all of the symptoms of these neurotransmitters being in the levels that I am at.  I think I've read this damn report about 50 plus times already because it's spot on with the way that I have been feeling.  The report went into my adrenal hormones and how my cortisol levels were basically non existent but more importantly at what times during the day they were slightly higher and lower which is exactly reflective of the blood work that has been taken as well.

With all of that information given to Dr Sun and I, we needed to add another pellet but this time it was estrogen along with a little more testosterone.  I am also taking some supplements prescribed by the neuroscience company to aid in my neurotransmitters which I have been on for a month now.  Some are to support with my immune system, improve my mood, increase my memory (who doesn't get foggy brain at this age), mental clarity, reduce anxiousness, promote sleep, reduces urges and cravings, reduce stress and so, so much more!  

I sat my family down to explain to them that I have been feeling completely out of whack and all of these appointments are telling us exactly why I have been so grouchy for so long.  Reading a report like this can be shocking.  It stares you right in the face and it's like here I am, I'm not going anywhere so get your shit together otherwise the road that you are on will get worse!  My daughter who's 18 read the report with me next to her and to see the shocked look on her face and the "oh my God, Mama" out of her mouth let me know that she now understood what I was going through.  I cried sitting next to her because this report is so telling of what I have been going through.  And to see your baby read it and get it was such a pivotal point for me.  Not for the fact that I wanted her to just see the report but to really see the struggles that I have had to face for the years that this has crept up on me.  I also wanted her to know that I was willing to do anything to make sure that I was not going to continue through life like this any longer, not just for me but for her too!  We hugged for a really long time and I apologized to her for anything that I have done to make her life more difficult.  It kills me to think that I could have done anything to my family in a negative way but now I know and I know that I need to get this down to the point where I don't even feel the symptoms of menopause.

I just had my third follow up appointment with Dr Sun after another 13 panel blood test and things are finally getting better!  I mean holy moly, thank you Jesus!!!  I'm still not 100% and that's ok because... I am getting better.  There are a few areas that need some work but I am here to stay and I can not wait to meet the old CJ again, give her a hug and tell her that she's been missed.  This road that I'm on is one foot in front of the other, day by day, minute by minute and I cannot wait to see where it takes me!

If you have been feeling any of the crazy emotions that I have talked about, feel free and reach out to me because I would love to help you with what I've learned.  This goes for both men and women!  Sometimes you literally cannot control your emotions due to hormonal imbalances and the only way to fix them is to get a professionals help.  Much love to anyone and everyone who has gone through any of this, just know that there is help out there and you do not have to live your life this way!  



  1. Amen! I'm glad to hear that you are felling better, stronger, and rediscovering your energized self! I would love to have Dr.Sun's info to refer clients with similar concerns.

    1. Thank you so much Desiree! I'm just so happy that I found someone who can help and get this all under control with little to no side effects. I also forgot to mention that it it safe for people who have gone through cancer. Nothing is synthetic and it is all plant based. Dr Sun's address is 4 Hughes, Irvine, CA 92618 and her phone number is (949) 768-6780. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot. xoxo

  2. thx for resharing w me. Lots to look into!! Will look for bht near me. Way to take charge! Most women just suffer through it.